ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
