When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
