I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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