Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
