You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
