We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
