JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
