And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
