im drinking this country out of the recession.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I stole a fireplace last night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
