The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
