and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
