My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
