....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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