...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
3 2 1 whiskey
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
