So drunk its hurt
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
