I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
