Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
