Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
