I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize