As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
