either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
