Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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