The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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