Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
