uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
