Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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