I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
