Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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