Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I am midnight drunk by noon
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
