You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
