God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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