we made out on top of his cat.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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