A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
