she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
