I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
