i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
