you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
