Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
