i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
