Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
