Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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