Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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