The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
