I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
