Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
