i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
