OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
