Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
