So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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