dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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