I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
