# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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