At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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