there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
