Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
