bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
