I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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