I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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