Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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