I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
