You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We had sex on a dog bed..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
