Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i need some magic done to my vagina
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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