I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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