If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize