How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
