He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I understand Curling. That high.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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