So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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