I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize