When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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