there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
