I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize