just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
