she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
